When was the last time you really listened to what someone had to say? I mean really listened. That is the ponder topic for today – all about listening, and the difference between listening to hear, and listening to respond.
On the BA (hons) drama and production degree I teach on, there are two modules I run that explore applied drama. Applied drama being the umbrella term used for drama in ‘non-traditional’ theatre spaces. In the third-year module the students learn about using drama in educational and community contexts, then in fourth-year they learn about using drama in health and well-being contexts. In both classes, the students work with an external client to plan, deliver, and reflect on a practical project (workshop, piece of theatre, or film) designed as a response to the needs of the client. It might be to work with the client to promote their work, their values, or the communities they work with. The projects can be for education/community, with education/community, or about education/community.
Before the students get to know who their assigned client is, they have a session on listening and communication. One of the key principles of communication being the art of listening.
There are two forms of listening. The first form is based on the notion of listening to hear what someone is saying, to really hear. Versus the other which is listening to respond. It seems so obvious when the two forms are separated, yet how many of us are aware of the two, and are honestly in control, in the moment? So, what’s the difference and why am I including it in part of the teaching?
Listening to respond
I would say this is the version of listening we’re all used to. Engaging in a conversation where there is a back and fore between people. Person A speaks, person B responds to what person A has said. For each participant in the conversation the focus is on their own response to the other person. There is an impulse to speak. In exchanges like this we are likely to experience people talking over each other, and/or not responding accurately to any questions that are asked. Another example, how many of you have had a conversation with someone who is on their phone at the same time as speaking/listening to you? I know I’ve been guilty of it. In these instances, the focus is not on the person in the conversation, but rather the phone, which ultimately has an impact on any chance of any meaningful interaction.
Listening to hear
In opposition to listening to respond, the focus of listening to hear is on the person speaking. That is to say you as the listener are focused on hearing what the other person is saying, not to respond, but to process and understand what is being said. Usually when we listen to hear, there is a greater connection with the person you’re engaging with and it’s more of an authentic exchange. In addition to this, as a listener your response will likely have a greater focus on the person you’re responding to (rather than it being you responding with your own impulse to speak). When we listen to hear, we additionally allow more space to think during a conversation. We listen to hear the person, we think, then we respond. Ultimately, we are creating an exchange that is more honest, authentic, and present in the moment.
How do we do it?
There are five key things we can do to help us to improve our listening skills and practice listening to hear. You’ll be delighted to learn that they aren’t that hard to do! It just requires a little bit more thought.
- Pay attention. Look at how they are behaving physically. We often say more with our bodies than we do with our voices. Listen out for things like tone of voice too.
- Listen with your body. Body language communicates so much. When listening to someone, position yourself physically so you are facing and directing yourself towards the person you’re listening to. Faces can communicate too. Smiles, nodding, and eye contact can go a long way. You can also vocalise when it feels appropriate (uh-huh, of-course, really etc).
- Don’t interrupt. You are listening. Give the person speaking the space to say what they want to. Ensure they have finished speaking before you respond.
- Repeat what the person says. This is helpful to really show you’re listening. This also gives you the opportunity to ensure you’ve interpreted what they have said in the way it was meant. We’ve all been there, when someone says something, and we have taken it the wrong way. Listening to hear, allows you to avoid this by sharing how you’ve interpreted what you’ve heard.
- Respond to what has been said. In listening to hear, you automatically create space to think of the responses most appropriate to what has been said.
Ponder in Practice
Hopefully, having read the blog, you’ve been inspired to consider the ways you can improve the conversations you have, and hopefully apply the five tips of listening to hear. Give it a go! You don’t need to set out from the get-go that you’re going to listen to hear, but rather have an awareness in conversation, and look for opportunities to try it out. Remember, listening is a skill. Therefore, it takes practice to master. Why not start now?
There you have it. Listening is the superpower you didn’t even know you had. Think of how great it feels when someone really listens to you. You have that power to make everybody feel that. How awesome is that?! To be able to make a meaningful connection, and to have a meaningful exchange. As always, I’d love to know how you get on with it, so feel free to leave me a comment or drop me a message.
‘Truly listening, attentively, and with care, is one of the simplest and most kind gifts we can give anyone.’
John Bruna, writer, educator, former Tibetan Monk.
All that remains is one final question. Are you ready to be a superhero?
This has been a SmartPonders.
Thanks for reading.
Steph x
SmartPonders 