We are getting real today, ponderers. Not that we aren’t real in all the other blogs, but we’re heading into deep chats about food, nutrition, binge eating, and general pressures around weight and obesity. If that’s not for you, no worries. I want to chat about where I am at the moment with my health. I know I’ve spoken a little about my ME and what it’s like having a chronic illness, but this time I want to talk about mindset, and food. So, buckle up my friends.
For those of you that follow me on my socials @smartponders, you’ll know I’ve recently started to have an overhaul of my eating habits. I want to talk about weight, the mental and physical health implications, and what I’m doing about it all. It’s not designed to be preachy or anything like that, but I hope that it will resonate with some of you out there, as a gentle reminder that a) you’re not alone and b) you’re playing the long game.
Let me set the scene. I have always been “overweight”. It has been to varying degrees, but it has always been there from primary school, secondary, through my teens, into my twenties and now in my thirties. The reason I’ve put overweight into quotation marks, is because as I look back overweight in my late teens, was fourteen and a half stone, versus now, in my thirties when I’m just over twenty stone. Overweight regardless but to differing degrees. I want to clarify that I believe, and so does science, that you can be healthy and overweight. However, we live in a society where beauty as a standard and being overweight fail to go hand in hand. Looking on social media shows as much. Although that’s a whole other kettle of fish for another day. Back to the here and now. For example, in my late teens, I was at the gym five days a week for an hour or so at a time. I had two jobs, and a social life *this was pre-ME. At 5ft 8ins, fourteen and a half stone is overweight, but I believe I was healthy.
Fast forward now, and not so much. The thing about weight gain is if you’re not paying attention to what you’re eating on a day-to-day basis, like me, you’re not going to notice the gain happening. The gain can appear to happen quickly but as with weight loss, it’s a bit of a process. You may even see it happening but don’t have the energy or mindset to intervene. Been there many a time too.
Over the years, I’ve done diets and increased exercise and each time would have some success, (sixteen stone being my lightest back in 2015) but then when it came to maintaining, the habits crept back in and before I knew it, I’d be heavier than when I started. I did meal replacements, and I did slimming clubs, but the success was always short lived. And recently, I think I’ve found out why. I just didn’t care enough.
What I mean by that is I wanted to lose the weight sure, but I wanted a quick fix. I didn’t want to play the long game. The long game meaning my life. Each time I embarked on a diet, I always had a goal weight in mind, but not enough vision to see (and believe) that I’d get to the goal, and beyond it. Not once did I get to any of the goal weights I’d set. I had moments of obsession when I’d step on the scales on weigh day and it hadn’t moved, then beat myself up myself for not achieving a loss, thus causing stress, and then cue binge eat. Diet ruined. Back to square -1. A vicious cycle.
Three things here.
- My health and weight are defined by more than just one number on a scale.
I have a set of scales that measures weight, body fat %, water levels, protein levels, body mass index, muscle mass, visceral fat, subcutaneous fat etc. I find this gives a much greater overview of my health. For example, the weight might not change, but the muscle mass does. - I didn’t have the right mindset at the time of doing any of the diets. I didn’t believe I could so my heart just wasn’t in it.
- There was too much pressure when I did. The pressure coming from myself mostly.
Does this resonate with you? How have you managed it?
Are you on a health and fitness journey? What are you targets?
What’s your experience?
Post a comment
Here’s why this time I believe it’s going to be different.
Firstly, I’m not doing a diet. I’ve gone right back to teaching myself about nutrition, about calorie intakes, and home cooking. Traditionally, I dislike cooking. I can cook, it’s just never been something I’ve enjoyed. Yet of late, whilst I’m not saying I’m going to enter MasterChef anytime soon, it’s become tolerable, cooking new meals, and trying new things out. I’m using MyFitness Pal as a tracker. My target calorie intake is between 1400-1600. But I’m not strict with it in the sense of berating myself for going over because I’m playing a long game. This is my life and I’m at the point where I know I need take back accountability for myself. I’m showing up for me. I am focussing on what I’m eating and paying attention to the macros in my eating choices. Again, not to obsess, but to try and love and nourish my body like I should have been doing. That sounded wanky, didn’t in? Moving on…
Secondly, I’m also intermittent fasting. There is a myth out there that not having breakfast is bad for you. Actually, there is quite a bit that can be gained from it. With intermittent fasting, it’s a lifestyle choice, not a fad, or a quick fix. (Although hands up – in the past I have used it like that.) I stop eating somewhere between 7-8pm at night, and then won’t eat until 11-12noon the next day. I have a sixteen-hour fasting period, with an eight-hour eating window. The difference in my energy levels (which let’s face it, is of utmost importance!) is huge. I’ve dipped in and out of IF in the past and I have always felt better on it. But as a stress eater, and of the mentality (in the past) of one bad day and it’s all ruined, I’d end up being back where I started. With previous IFs I wasn’t tracking my calories. That’s what’s different. The thing about weight is that to lose it, you need to be in a deficit with what goes in, versus what goes out. I hardly was. Unlike now. I should also state, I know there will be people out there who’s ability to lose weight is hampered by health conditions too. I’m all too aware that it isn’t always simple. As much as society would have us believe.
The other thing that is different is my mindset. My belief. I’m not sure how to articulate it fully, but I’ll try. It’s like I believe now. I believe in my ability to become healthier and fitter, rather than fighting the little devil on my shoulder that says things like “you’ve not be successful before, why should this be different? Why bother?”. But that devil isn’t there. Not only that, I also feel I’m in the right emotional and mental head space for the change. I have clothes in my wardrobe that I haven’t worn in years. I’ve got biking gear that is the largest size I can get that pinch. I’m out of breath climbing the stairs.
My goal is to be healthier. That’s what it comes down to. I know it won’t happen overnight, and I don’t want it to either. I know there will be days that are harder than others, and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean I give up. Part of the SmartPonders content online, will be tracking this journey. Keeping a reference point for those days, that come that are hard. I can look back and remind myself of why I’m on the journey in the first place and how far I’ve come. Do keep an eye out on the SmartPonders Instagram and Facebook page.
It is still early days, but for reference, I started on Wednesday the 9th of March 2022 – who says you have to start on a Monday… and at my first week weigh in, I lost three lbs. Updates as I said, will be on the Instagram and Facebook page.
My body is an incredible thing. Like yours. It keeps me breathing. It keeps me alive. It keeps me connected to people and places. It’s fought for me on more occasions that I can count, and it still shows up for me. Even when in the past, my mind hasn’t met it in the middle. I want to change that. And as that famous Chinese proverb states,
The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step.
Tao Teh Ching, Lao Tzu.
This has been a SmartPonders.
Thanks for Reading.
Steph x
SmartPonders 