Over the past five years I’ve seen a big change in the attitudes students have with failure and failing. Today’s ponder is going to try to make sense of what the change is, why that is, and consider what we can do about it.

I first started lecturing back in 2017. Most of the classes I taught at the time were part of the HNC (Higher National Certificate) acting and performance. We had two cohorts of fifteen students in each class. Although there was no real science in deciding what students went into what class, there was a clear energy that each class presented; one being generally shy and eager to learn, the other energised and confident in their learning. Both classes – generally speaking – had a fear of failing. Especially failing assessments. For those of you that are not aware, with the HNC (and indeed other qualifications with Scottish Qualifications Authority SQA) students are allowed two attempts for every assessment. Therefore, if a student does bomb their first attempt, they will get feedback and feedforward to enable them to pass on a second attempt. After a second attempt, they would fail the learning outcome and subsequently, the module. Even with these multiple attempt approach in place, students were being controlled by fear – the fear of failing.

My thoughts are split 50/50 on this one. I think about my current learning journey (I’m currently doing a post grad qualification) and of course I don’t want to fail, just like the students. But I am also not envisaging failure. Could this be a difference? I’ll come back to this later. The other side of me actively encourages failure. As they say it’s the First Attempt In Learning. F.A.I.L.

Now five years on, there is a clear shift with the student mindset. To clarify I’m making generalisations here from experience, and absolutely acknowledge that this is not every student. But the truth is the number of students who are being affected by fear and failure is increasing. With half of a class not showing up for assessments, is fear still the driving force? Or is it some form of expectation they have set for themselves as a form of self-preservation? What I mean is, has failure become the ‘failsafe’? Have students set their expectations of themselves low intentionally so as not to be disappointed? A mindset of ‘well if I don’t try, then I can’t fail.’ But you can, and with that attitude, sadly, more than likely will.
I don’t want that for them. Any of them. I want them to be able to see what I see.

Thinking of the reasons of why students fail, I’ve narrowed it down to these main reasons,

1. Lack of confidence/belief – they think they are not able to pass, so don’t try.
2. Lack of preparation – similar to the above, whether it’s not managing time, or not engaging with the self-directed work, they will then avoid the assessment. Again, a case of I’m not ready to pass and I’m not comfortable enough in myself to try.
3. Fear of embarrassment – could it be that the student has done the preparation, but is so scared to get it wrong, they avoid it altogether? A form of self-sabotage in a way, which is not always a conscious decision.
4. Lack of interest – is it that they have signed up to do something, but along the way realised it’s not for them? Rather than admit that which is absolutely fine to do, they detach from the reality of the assessments?
5. Capacity – There are extenuating factors that they are dealing with that is monopolising their mental capacity and therefore they can’t engage. This extends to the impacts from mental health.

There are of course many other reasons that could be at play. However, the primary observation I’ve made is that the students won’t talk about what’s going on. My opinions on this.

1. A problem shared is a problem halved.
2. If you don’t tell people what is going on, no one knows you need help. I’m not saying tell people your life story, but at least let them in a little.
3. Be accountable and honest, both with yourself and those around you. If you haven’t done the work, admit to that. Own that decision, it’s the one you’ve made, now learn from it.
4. If you are struggling, take the help that is offered to you. It’s all well and good everyone trying to help you, but you need to try to help yourself too.

Failure has become a dirty word over the years, and yet it is one of the most human responses we have. Think of when a toddler is learning to walk. They don’t give it one shot, then decide it’s never going to happen. They stand, they wobble, they fall. They repeat. They stand, they wobble, they regain balance, they stand. They lean forward, they fall. It goes on and on, but at the end of it all, they learn to walk. They don’t give up. All through your childhood, you have tried to learn things, made mistakes, failed, then learned the thing. Fundamentally, it’s how we learn. Now as that same person who learned to walk, you can learn something again.

So, readers, let’s work towards not accepting failure the failsafe. Let’s not accept it as a given, and let’s work at being honest with ourselves. Speak up when something isn’t working, and not to admit defeat before the first try. Afterall, it is not the failure that’s important, but rather what you do next.

This has been a SmartPonders.
Thanks for reading!
Steph x

I don’t know about those of you reading this, but I feel we’re constantly being bombarded with having to get somewhere, or having to achieve something, the focus always being on the end goal, or the destination. Whilst I don’t necessarily think of this as a bad thing, I do have a little nit-pick with it – Why the rush to get to the finish line?

As a trained actor, and indeed teacher of acting pedagogies, one of the most crucial skills a student can develop is awareness. Awareness of surrounding, awareness of others, awareness of self, but especially awareness of process.

In the work I do with students, and indeed in my own practice, process is key. If I had a pound for every time I said the word ‘process’ I’d be sitting on a beach somewhere, drinking cocktails and probably still pondering. Yet there is a reason for that ‘hammering home’ as I like to call it.
I consider process to be guided by five key questions,

1. What it is you’re doing,
2. Why you’re doing it,
3. What you observe/notice about yourself, acknowledging any changes here.
4. Why is this experience useful (or indeed not!) to you in general relating to the development of your practice?
5. How does this contribute to achieving what it is you’ve set out to achieve?

Firstly, I’ll contextualise this to acting, then show how it can be applied more generally to the journeys you take in your own life.

Context: I have a character speech (monologue) to prepare. Using the process framework, the answers would be something akin to,

1. To prepare my monologue I’m going to carry out the following steps. This is the ‘what I’m doing.’
   1. Read the play it’s from
   2. Research the social, historical, and cultural contexts of the time.
   3. Learn about the playwright’s intentions for the play.
   4. Textually analyse the speech – my own interpretation
   5. Use key practitioner approaches in textual analysis and understanding of character objectives, obstacles, and actions, E.g., Stanislavski, Hagan, Addler, Houseman etc. (I’m not going to go into detail here as it’s not wholly relevant to the point I’m attempting to make).
   6. Start to physically rehearse. This section of the process is massive but involves things like voice, characterisation, movement, use of space, blocking, world building etc.
   7. Once lines are learned, I can then explore even more until the point I’m performance ready, but also have done the speech in many ways, that if I was asked to change the way I’d perform by the audition panel, I could.

This is a VERY simplified breakdown of preparing one speech. The time it would take would vary dependent of additional factors, but for now, it gives you an idea.

Going on to question 2 – the why am I doing this, also interpreted as why is this the best course of action? Response: because based on my knowledge and experience, for me to prepare the monologue to the standard it needs to be, these are the steps engrained in my practice. It’s my actor’s toolkit. It is a successful process that encourages successful outcomes.

Question 3 – the changes are observed throughout the process, so having moments when you check in with yourself and to encourage reflective thinking is very useful. Not only that, but it also keeps you focused on continual improvement.

For my fictional response to question 4, why is this experience useful, it could be about improving opportunities, building a repertoire, getting hired for a job, or even rekindling skills, or reigniting passion etc. It’s about the long-term benefits or growth or improvement that happens beyond achieving the goal.

Finally question 5, the emphasis here is about the relationship between journey and destination, process, and performance. ‘ How does this contribute to achieving what it is you’ve set out to achieve?’ They are intrinsically interlinked.

Here are some of the main reasons why these questions are so valuable. If you can’t articulate what it is you’ve done up to a certain point or articulate how you got to where you did, how can you a) learn from it b) repeat it (if successful) and c) reflect on it c) That is why I hark on about process to the students. It’s all about progression and development.

So, let’s take a moment to think about your current circumstances. Are you working towards any goals? Are you travelling (physically, emotionally, spiritually, metaphorically etc) to a destination? If so, how about instead of focusing on that end point, we embrace the steps taken on the journey.

It may be that it is a brand-new goal, something you’ve never done before, if that’s the case you’ll likely draw on past experience to help you. This will be down to you as the individual to figure out what works best – it might be broad stroke bullet points or small bites-sized chunks!
What are the steps you’re going to take to achieve the vision?

Using the process framework, think about how you can apply it to your circumstance. Take that destination (or goal!) and use that as your starting point.

1. What can you do to achieve the goal? What steps are you going to take in the journey?
2. Why you’re doing it? Why are you taking these steps, and consider why you want to achieve the goal or reach the destination in the first place?
3. What do you observe/notice about yourself, acknowledging any changes here, from when you start the journey, when you’re in the middle, and once you reach the destination? You may want to consider things like your mood, your interactions, and your attitude and behaviour. Is anything changing?
4. Why is this journey useful (or indeed not!) to you more generally relating to your personal and/or professional development?
5. How does this (the reflective process) contribute to achieving what it is you’ve set out to achieve?

Try it out. The destination or goal doesn’t have to be massive and far aware, and scary to even think about let alone achieve. You are in control. So, take those first steps at a slow pace. Slow progress is still progress.
I’d love to hear how you get on!

As the late American psychologist Carl Rogers said ‘The good life is the process, not a state of being. It is a direction and not a destination.’

This has been a SmartPonders.
Thanks for reading.
Steph X

Its a phrase I’m sure many of you have heard of and maybe even use in your day to day life. I know I do. I often say it as a response to when someone has told me something good has happened to them, or they are going to try something new, or even when they are going to do something a little risqué. I’ll say “living your best life!”

Examples.
Person A: “You’ll never guess what I did today… Made my bed!”
Me: “Yes! Living your best life!”

Person B: “I handed my submission in on time.”
Me: “Yes! Living your best life!”

Person C: “It’s not even four o’clock and I’ve poured myself a gin.”
Me: “Yes! Living your best life!”

You get the idea. However, today’s ponder goes a little deeper to ask what does it actually mean, what does it mean to ‘live our best life’, especially when we consider that the term ‘best’ is not always a constant. At least I never consider it a constant. I think about the students I teach and how their best fluctuates, then I think of my own best, which also has a certain fluidity at times about it. What I mean is that the best you do on a Monday morning, is likely to be a different best that you bring to a Friday afternoon. In the same thinking, on a day when you’re struggling to get out of bed, your best is that you did get up out of bed, even though it was hard. This can be compared to the days when your friends, colleagues and family think you’ve taken up a new hobby of drinking rocket fuel because you’re so on it.

So, if our best is not a stable and predictable constant, can we still ‘live our best life’? What does our best life look like? I think in this instance, it may be helpful to consult Maslow and his hierarchy of needs as a starting point!

Abraham Maslow in 1943 created the motivational framework whereby he believed that people had needs and that those needs could be separated into three categories; basic needs, psychological needs, and self-fulfilment needs. When the needs are met in each category it allows you to progress to the next level of needs to be acquired. Ultimately achieving what I deem the same as today’s ‘best life.’
The triangle below helps to visualise the progression that can occur across the categories. With physiological and safety needs equating to basic needs, safety, love/belonging and esteem collectively equating to psychological needs, and finally self-actualisation forming the category of self-fulfilment.

So, using that trian of thought, best life would equal self-fulfilment? Right? I’m going to stick with that assumption. Therefore, it leads on to another question.

If your best life means the same as self-fulfilment, what is it you want out of life? I’m writing this from a place of privilege, so for me, fulfilment is creatvity, adventure, travel, seeing the world, engaging with people and places, all the while having security, such as familial and financial. I want to spend a life doing the things I love, with the people I love. Again going back to previous posts, finding joy, and play and imagination. Grabbing opportunities that are presented and trying new things. I think that is my best life. However, as I said earlier, your best changes, so therefore what looks and feels like my best life now, may not be my best life ten years down the line – it could be even better.

So, ponderers… I’m happy to conclude that self-fulfilment is the epitome of how you can reach ‘living your best life’ staus. Ask yourself – what do I want out from my life? In answering that, you’ll get a little hint as to how to ‘live your best life’, that is, if you’re not living it already!

This has been a SmartPonders.
Thanks for reading.
Steph x

Before I begin, let’s address the elephant in the room. You’ll notice there is a slight contradiction here relating to my previous post on adulting. My previous statement still applies. I still categorise myself as a kidult. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t learned things that I think others deserve to know. Surely I can’t be the only one who felt slightly irked by the fact no one gives you the heads up on just how tough being an adult really is?!

Don’t get me wrong, growing up my parents would say things like, “make the most of your school days, because they’re the best of your life” and “what are you crying for, because I’ll give you something to cry about.” And “you think you’ve got it tough now? Wait until you grow up.” Each of these statements will be different for each of you reading, but I know for me, they mostly ring true. I should also point out I have incredibly loving and supportive parents who have had my back for the past thirty-three years, and that isn’t changing anytime soon.

Here are twenty-one things that I wish someone had told me about becoming an adult. Buckle up. We’ve got some insights to gain!
Disclaimer: I started out with ten, but the more I wrote, the more I realised I had more to share, plus in the olden days, twenty-one was the age you got the keys to your house, and were therefore considered an adult. Thus, twenty-one feels appropriate.

1. Life will be hard. Like really hard. To the point you’ll wonder why no one warned you about it. Well I’m warning you now. And everything is so expensive.
2. You’ll feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. Guess what… the majority of people around you have no idea what they are doing either. Fake it until you make it. Added bonus, confidence is key.
3. Coffee is currency. If you want to learn something, or want to hear about someone’s experience, especially if it’s around an industry or job you’re interested in. Offer a coffee in exchange for their time. I guarantee you, that nine times out of ten, they’ll say yes.
4. Make connections with people. I hate to call it networking because it sounds too yuck. Seriously, make connections with people and be the person people want to work with. You don’t need special skills. You need kindness, organisation and timekeeping. You show up, you come prepared, and you’ll be the person people want to work with. Every job across my ten year plus career has been because I’ve known someone. It also helps that I’m good at what I do, but it helps to have connections.
5. Learn to communicate. Communicating your feelings to others, especially in a relationship can be so hard. You’ll try to pre-empt what your partner, colleague, friend, is thinking and feeling. Most of the time, you’ll be wrong. Work towards creating time and space to check in with each other. When relationship needs aren’t being met, have that conversation. Things can’t be fixed, if both parties don’t acknowledge a fix is needed.
6. Your kitchen will never stay tidy for long. It will become the bane of your existence.
7. You’ll go from seeing your group of friends all the time, on a whim, every week, to having to really make time well in advance. If you’re lucky like me, you’ll manage three to four times a year when you can all get together. But the time will be even more special. Savour every moment of it.
8. That thing you want? Save money for it. If there is something you want, don’t be fooled by the monthly payments if you can avoid it. I’ve been there and done that. Those monthly payments for all those things mount up quickly. Then you’re skint and you’re stressed.
9. Compound Interest!! I’m not going to go into too much in this blog, but save as much money as you can when you can and get it into a high interest saving account. You’ll be amazed at how much interest you can build up over time. Invest in your future. I know I sound like an old folkie but seriously!! Try to save. There are plenty YouTube videos out there that can help you for the moment. I repeat, compund interest. Learn about it.
10. If you want to buy a birthday cake and eat it, without it being someone’s birthday, you can. No one will stop you. Same goes for chocolate for breakfast.
11. If something in your life isn’t working, you have the power to change it. Even if that’s scary. You are the only one that can make things happen for you. You have to be accountable for all of you actions as they all have consequences, both good and bad. Don’t blame other people when something is your fault. Take ownership and you’ll be respected all the more for it.
12. Find something you love doing and make time for it no matter what. Life will get stressful. You’ll work a lot, you’ll (maybe) have a social life, you’ll have financial responsibility. All that can be tough when you have to give, give, give all the time. So, find that thing you love. It will often be the thing that keeps you sane.
13. People are human, people make mistakes, and you’ll realise your parents are no exception. Mistakes will happen, but it’s how you behave after them. Learn from them.
14. Be curious and keep learning. I’m not saying necessarily in an official way like going to college or university, although that’s absolutely an option for you. I’m saying read a book about something, watch YouTube videos, sign up for a seminar, explore a new skill. There is so much free knowledge out there on everything, why not make the most of it.
15. Sometimes you’ll feel sad about doing the right thing. That’s ok. It’s still the right thing. For example removing toxicity from your life, whether it’s relationships or work.
16. The world and the people in it don’t owe you anything. If you want something, more often than not, you have to earn it.
17. Anxiety is always present. I’m not saying you’ll have anxiety, I’m saying you’ll feel anxious. I think they are two different things. You’ll worry about not being good enough, you’ll worry about doing the right thing, or the wrong thing. You’ll worry about what people think. You’ll worry about money, you’ll worrry about relationships, you’ll worry about work. Be kind to yourself and listen, try to learn how to manage those feelings. They’ll consume you otherwise.
18. You’ll never have enough time. That project you’re working on – not enough time. That essay you’re writing – not enough time. Time away with your friends – never enough time. You get the drift. Time really is precious, don’t take it for granted.
19. You’ll bury your head in the sand often pretending your fine, until you’re really not. Try to speak and unload to people regularly and do this in return for others. It helps.
20. Be kind and compassionate. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is going through something crazy. It costs nothing to be kind and it can really make the world of difference.
21. You won’t nap nearly as much as you used to. This one I’m pretty bitter about. The added extra here is that because you aren’t napping you’ll be forced to embrace the existentialism of ‘who am I, what do I want and where am I going in life?’ rather than sleep until it goes away. You’re welcome.

Hopefully this list provides an insight of what’s to come, especially for those of you just at the start of your adult journey, and I hope for those of you who are seasoned pros that something resonated with you too. Rest assured though, people have been transitioning from child to adolescent to teen to adult for the past 300,000 years. You’ll be ok. I believe in you. You’ve got this.

This has been a SmartPonders.
Thanks for reading!
Steph x

In a world where we spend a lot of time in the comfort and security of our ‘safety bubble’, also known as the comfort zone, the idea alone of doing “something that scares you” once in a while, really is scary. Often the thought of doing such a thing creeps up on us, to then be swiftly banished to the naughty corner as it induces anxiety in its wake. After all, things are fine in the safety bubble. Contentment is in the safety bubble. Comfort is in the safety bubble. I don’t need to leave my ‘safety bubble’. You’re absolutely right. You don’t have to. But you could…

Now, I’m the sort of person who likes to take a wee risk now and then, but nothing too scary. At least I don’t think of them as too scary. However, I appreciate that risk will mean different things to different people. Whether that’s taking a risk by asking someone out on a date, taking a risk by going off on a travel adventure with no plan, or a risk might mean, for some, taking a step outside the front door. I can promise you one thing for sure. You’ll never get any judgement from me. Risk is different for everyone, as is the safety bubble.

The exodus from my safety bubble, the most recent time, and probably the scariest, came as a surprise as much to me as it did to many of those who know me. I became the proud owner of a motorbike license. Today I’m going to tell you about that journey, and the levels of fear I experienced in the process.

It all started back in the good old days of 2019. My other half, Ade, had decided that he wanted to get his motorbike license. The way it works here in the UK is you need to complete four tests to get the license. You have to do a CBT, known as the Compulsory Basic Training, a theory test (slightly different from the car theory test, so yes, even if you did the theory test to get your car license you still have to do this one), your mod1 test (a short test showing your ability to do slow riding and necessary riding manoeuvres) then your mod2 test (a road ride with an examiner like a driving test).

The CBT usually takes place over one day, although it can be spread over more time. That’s what I did with mine, but I’ll get to that later. Once signed off by an instructor, you can ride a bike on the road with L-plates, but you are restricted by how big a bike you can ride relative to torque, engine size and horsepower. Prospective riders can then choose to gain experience across the term of their CBT, which lasts two years, ticking off each of the tests in your own time as you go.

Back to Ade. Off he was CBT in hand and motorbike purchased, he was out on it all the time. Not going anywhere in specific. Just riding around, town roads, country back lanes, or adventures further afield. He would be gone for hours. I didn’t mind of course, we’ve both got our own interests, but after a while I started to wonder what was it that had him spending more time with the bike than me. I said I didn’t mind but there has to be a balance! He said he couldn’t really explain it, but that I should give it a go. I laughed in his face. Me? On a motorbike? Get a grip. It was in this moment, that a seed was planted.

A lot of to-ing and fro-ing was initiated in the days that followed. To the point I thought ‘sod it. There must be something in it and I want to know and feel what that is.’ And so, the journey began.

My CBT was booked for early March 2020, just before lockdown hit. I had bought my jacket, trousers, boots, gloves, and helmet. I was ready and raring to go. I was also terrified. Terrified.

The first part of day was spent looking at health and safety, bike maintenance, and the rudimentals of riding a motorbike. It was new, and it was scary, but I was glad to be there all the same. However, then we started doing the actual riding of the bike and that’s when things changed. It was terrifying. I could understand what I was being asked to do, but the fear and survival instinct would kick in as soon as I had to turn on the bike. Or do anything aside from ride in a straight line. It felt like I was going to fall and take the bike with me. Or the other way round.

I’m the sort of person that has to drill something repeatedly to ingrain it into my muscle memory to learn a new skill. This was no different. I was learning not only to slow ride, and use clutch control, but also figure of eights, and U-turns. The latter becoming my nemesis. It was A LOT to take in across a couple of hours. When the instructor asked if I felt ready to go out on the road, I admitted to him that no, I wasn’t. I needed to process the skills learned and then come back afresh to get through the second part. Yes, I was disappointed, but I also knew it was the right thing to do.

Lesson to learn – be honest with yourself. When something isn’t working out, or you need more time, or your struggling, there is no shame in saying so. It’s your life journey and your learning experience. Go at the pace that’s right for you.

Two weeks later I returned. Already there was a vast improvement in my ability to ride. I felt more confident and decided it was time to get out on the road for the first time. The best way to describe that experience? Anxiety inducing, adrenaline inciting, survival style fear at its finest.

However, there was something else present. A freedom. Space to breathe. Excitement. Achievement. Of course, that’s the adrenaline talking, but with a green tick awarded, I left the training with my CBT certificate in hand, and a massive smile on my face, and bought my first bike.

Once I got the new bike – I named her Enyo, a Yamaha MT125 – I didn’t go out all that often to begin with. At the time Ade was bikeless so he couldn’t be the crutch that I’d come to depend on. I didn’t have the confidence to fly solo. Yet. However, I pushed myself to get out of that safety bubble, put on my gear, and ride. Even if it was just a short run into town and back. The fear was so real that I’d induce a panic attack before even getting on the bike. That was just getting the gear on! Explaining to Ade how nervous I’d feel, he was supportive and encouraging. He didn’t experience the same fear learning to ride. It came much more natural to him. Me on the other hand… I was stuck in what appeared to be a never-ending cycle of: to get better at riding I must gain confidence / to gain confidence I must get better at riding. All the while my anxiety and fear are screaming in the background, ‘NO. Just pack it in. It’s not for you.’ It’s too hard.

It was hard. But I made the decision not to give up. I think there is a time and place for giving things up and admitting defeat, but this was not one of those times. I started going out on my own more, taking the bike on longer trips, and even found an empty car park to practise my slow manoeuvres in preparation for my mod 1 and 2. There were trials, there were tribulations, there were tears and there were tantrums. It was not easy.

Between March 2020 and July 2021, I racked up over 5000 miles on the bike. Ade and I even went on a road trip to Orkney. It got to the point I would rarely take the car anymore. Then, after two attempts at the mod1 – I failed the first attempt due to putting a foot down on the U-turn (told you it was my nemesis!) – and one attempt at the mod2, I finally achieved my full license, and now able to ride any bike I like! No restrictions! I loved Enyo and I have some amazing memories with her, but sometimes, just sometimes, a little but more speed is needed, for example, a speed that’s more that fifty-six miles per hour.

Now, nearly two years on, and having achieved my full license, I’m in awe. I’ve achieved something that I genuinely, at points, did not think would ever happen. Now, I understand what the fuss is about. It almost sounds ridiculous to say but there is a peace and calm that comes with riding. Nothing else is in my head apart from me, the bike, and the road. Your mind doesn’t and can’t wander the same way in a car journey. You must be reading the road all the time. Be switched on, all the time. And that is one of the many reasons why I love it.

The reason I’m sharing this with you, is for hope and inspiration. I hope that it inspires you to try something new, to take a risk, to face a fear. I’m not saying you go mad or anything, but I believe that there is a benefit to stepping out of the safety bubble occasionally. You’ll more than likely surprise yourself. Plus, you can rest easy, knowing that the bubble isn’t going anywhere. You’re free to return to it whenever you need. So, have a think. Maybe take that baby step, because life is too short, and you never know where it may lead.

Despite the fear inducing challenge that it was, I’m grateful that I stuck with it because I’ve got my big bike now, and there is no turning back.

This has been a SmartPonders.
Thanks for reading.
Steph x

Those of you who have been paying attention to my social media or the SmartPonders website, you’ll have seen (hopefully) that there is now a podcast area. Not only that, at the time of writing this blog, it has two podcasts on it!

It was never really an intention to start a podcast, however, it was through building the website that the option was flagged as a possibility. Several thoughts crossed my mind here.

• I thought to myself, how hard could it be? I have some experience of audio and recording but certainly do not claim expert status by any manner of means.
• It’s the chance to learn something new.
• The opportunity was presented so clearly that it would feel daft to not have a bash.
• It’s better to try and fail, that to never have tried at all.
• Did my nine-year-old self know something I didn’t?

Let me provide some context.

When I was nine, my parents got me a Goodman’s BoogieBox karaoke machine for my Christmas. I was that child that was always singing, always chatting nonsense, and playing make-believe. Okay, I still am that child. See my previous blog/podcast on ‘adulting’ for evidence!

If you’re not familiar with a BoogieBox it was a large double cassette playing machine with microphones. Like a modern-day portable PA system. You could connect it to the TV, play the accompanying video tapes for music and words, and record directly into the machine on to your own blank cassettes. This music star was born, producing smash hit re-releases such as Phil Collin’s Groovy Kind of Love, Elton John’s I’m Still Standing and ABBA’s Super Trouper to name a few.

When my cousin would come to play, we would spend hours on it, recording utter nonsense. One of my favourite memories is the radio show my cousin and I created. The opening music was none other than Karma Chameleon by Culture Club. Something we still laugh about. It’s our jam.

As part of our radio show we role played as different guests and played various game shows and discussed various topics – usually taken from Disney Adventures or Girl talk magazines. Those were the days.

One of the games my cousin created was called ‘Smash or Grab’. The premise was five singles were provided to the guest. They had to decide if they would smash the single (as in smash the tape cassette or record with a hammer Yzma style!) or grab it to add to the guest’s musical collection.

With that in mind, here is your chance to play ‘Smash or Grab’.

• Chumbawamba with Tubthumping
• Backstreet Boys with Everybody
• The Verve with Bittersweet Symphony
• Spice Girls with Spice up your Life
• LeAnn Rimes with How Do I Live

So, tell me, which ones do you smash? And which ones will you grab? Let me know in the comments! Disclaimer: sorry to any artists offended by responses to their singles.

I guess by now you’re wondering why I’m telling you any of this. It’s because it’s relevant! When first embarking on the process of recording the first podcast I was transported back into my childhood bedroom, with that microphone, with the karaoke machine in front of me, ready to make a noise. I was nine years old all over again.

It’s funny how things turn out. In some ways I do think life is mapped out for you. In the sense that we have the autonomy of the choices, but that you’ll end up on the path you’re supposed to. As my mum always says, ‘what’s for you will not go by you.’ That’s maybe a deeper chat for another time.

Do you think my nine-year-old self knew something I didn’t? Do we across our lives foreshadow things to come? I don’t have the answers to these but will continue to ponder.

Thanks for reading and happy pondering!

Steph x