What’s your evidence? A strategy to challenge your thinking

Content Warning: Mental Health, PTSD, thought spirals, suicidal thoughts, negative self-talk

I’m sure there are many of us out there who have been met with some pretty scary and potentially damaging thoughts. Thoughts that can catch you off guard, thoughts that come from nowhere, and thoughts that don’t feel like they have come from you. Those are certainly experiences that I’ve had when my PTSD or anxiety has been triggered. I want to share some of that today, and also highlight a super strategy that is a necessity in my mental health toolkit. As with all my blogs I’m sharing from my experience and know that experiences vary so much from person to person. As always, I hope those reading can take something from this.

For reference, ‘spiralling’ or a ‘downward spiral’ is defined as a series of events, thoughts, or feelings that gain in momentum contributing to a cycle of negativity (Kurland 2018). It can also occur in the opposite fashion for an upward spiral, where there is momentum gained through positive occurrences. For the purposes of the blog, we’ll be focused on the downward spiral.

From my experience, downwards spirals are hellish. Thoughts that have told mez, “I’m not good enough”, thoughts that have said, “nothing I’m feeling is real”, thoughts that have said, “I’m worthless”, thoughts that have said, “I’m an imposter and people will find out.” Thoughts that said, “I don’t belong here.” Thoughts that said, “I could very easily veer into oncoming traffic.” For clarity, I am not suicidal, and have not felt suicidal at any point during my breakdown or recovery. However, that doesn’t invalidate the fact that I had that thought. I’ll be honest, it terrified me. Mostly because it felt so out of character, and that it came from nowhere. I was just driving home, I wasn’t feeling stressed, I’d had a good day. It caught me so off-guard that I had a panic attack. Our thoughts have immense power. Both good and bad. When I brought it up with my therapist, she advised that I acknowledge the thought – I hear it, I question it, and then I let it leave. For me, I like to think of thoughts as visitors in my house. I’m under no obligation to permit them to stay. Easier said than done though.

When I’m in that downward spiral of negative self-talk, there usually appears a ‘moment of opportunity’. This is when there is a slight dismissal of a thought. Or when there is a thought that fights to contradict the negative thought. A moment in my thinking where the negativity dissipates – just for a moment. However, sometimes I’m not aware enough of that opportunity and this is when having someone I trust is really beneficial. At some point in my thinking, I put the strategy into place.

On the surface the strategy appears pretty simple. It’s one question.

“What is my evidence?”

Super Strategy!

The reality of using it, however, is not so simple. It takes practice so please keep that in mind. If this is a new strategy to you, I’d suggest you find someone you can trust to help support you and ask the question for you when you feel you are spiralling. It can be easier for a friend or family member to spot you on a downward spiral than yourself. I acknowledge that for some, being in that spiral can be so debilitating that the mere thought of being able to ask this question, let alone answer it feels impossible. If that is you and you don’t have a support network, or someone you trust to ask you that question, let me.

See that thought you’re having? What is the evidence you have for believing that thought? Where is the evidence that backs it up? Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to listen.

Your thoughts are not always true.

Let me share some examples of what happens in practice.

In this instance, it’s about acknowledging the thoughts and the feelings – not denying them. Whilst also acknowledging that there is rational, tangible evidence to disrepute this thought. What was happening in this moment was grounded in insecurity. I had gone from working full time, being functional, being productive, to suddenly grounding to a halt. I didn’t know how to just be, and to heal, and so instead, I started to berate myself. I created this pressure on myself to just be better. Unpacking that I realised the reason I was creating this pressure to get back to work, was that I’d created a false reality where I work well under pressure. The reality is that I had adapted so much to that way of working that I’d accepted it to be true. When in truth it’s not the case given the preference. My subconscious was trying to be helpful by tapping into the ‘reality’ that ‘I work best under pressure.’

How many of you can relate to this?

How many times have you told yourself you’re fine, and to ‘just get on with it’ when in reality you’re not fine?

How many of you have lost track of what ‘fine’ really is?

Share your thoughts – I’d love to hear them!

Unfortunately, I don’t have the answers, but I do have a curiosity and a drive to be having these conversations. We may not actually be ‘fine’, but that’s ok. We can and will get there. Maybe even beyond, to a point when we can say “I’m good” and mean it.

Until then, let’s keep challenging those thoughts, and wanting more for ourselves.

This has been a SmartPonders
Thanks for reading.

Steph x

Bibliography
Kurland, B. (2018) ‘Reversing the Downward Spiral’ Psychology Today [online]. Available from <https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-well-being-toolkit/201809/reversing-the-downward-spiral&gt;